The Mustache Diaries

An original idea from Caleb Clayton

 
"People don't quite understand the ramifications of growing a mustache for one month and then just abandoning it, year after year." 

"People don't quite understand the ramifications of growing a mustache for one month and then just abandoning it, year after year." 

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 1, Year 8:

Day one always begins with a clean shaven face, a fresh start, if you will. But is it? I can sometimes still hear the screams of previous fallen mustaches going down my drain as I shave them and their young 30-day-old lives away. 8 years of November mustaches have begun to take its toll on me mentally and spiritually. People don't quite understand the ramifications of growing a mustache for one month and then just abandoning it, year after year. Even though every mustache is different, and certainly not every mustache is a saint, I feel like they all have it out for me now. It's like they know not to trust me right from the start. I can already feel this year's will be quite disorderly. Sometimes I try to fool myself into thinking November won't come this year... but it does... it always does... So here I am, ready to take on this challenge, yet again. Please join me and this amazing cause we call #Movember to help support and raise awareness for men's health issues. There's some good men out there and let's keep them around as long as we can. Please click here: http://moteam.co/los-mo-chachos-1 and join my Movember team, Los Mochachos and let's have a great Movember 2016! #mustachediaries #movember #losmochachos

Last Updated: November 1, 2016

"Yesterday I was pulled over by the cops for no reason and when I asked what the problem was they said there was an elementary school nearby and I need to just stay away from the vicinity." 

"Yesterday I was pulled over by the cops for no reason and when I asked what the problem was they said there was an elementary school nearby and I need to just stay away from the vicinity." 

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 5, Year 8:

Let's just admit it, a five day old mustache is gross and perverted. There's no way to spin it. All the dapper bow ties in the world can't mask that dirty, pubescent, mo'. But that's no excuse for the onslaught of bullying and maltreatment I've received these past few days from friends, family, even strangers... Unfortunately bullying has become a bit of an epidemic these days, but you never think it's gonna happen to you. It's not an overt, in-your-face, type of bullying, it's more the passive-aggressive kind. When I call friends it now goes straight to voicemail. My dog won't let me take him on walks. When I post my casual musings on twitter, I no longer get any likes. Yesterday I was pulled over by the cops for no reason and when I asked what the problem was they said there was an elementary school nearby and I need to just stay away from the vicinity. Someone even slipped a "You're Not Alone: Wives Coping With Mustached Husbands" pamphlet on my wife's windshield.... I brought this upon myself I guess. I just wish they'd leave my wife out of it. I'll get through this. I always do. It just never gets any easier. But there is a way for people to help us mustached men. They can join a Movember team like mine: http://moteam.co/los-mo-chachos-1
and show their support. You don't need to grow a mo' yourself. Just join a team, maybe donate a few bucks to the great #Movember charity, and give an occasional, "Atta boy!" to your local mustached man and help change the face of men's health... 

Last Updated: November 7, 2016

 

"So I'm now stuck with this gun-loving, bullying, arrogant mustache for 22 more days, but will constantly fighting him help matters?  If this is the mustache I've been given, then I should embrace it for the betterment of my face and well-being.  Maybe work together? " 

"So I'm now stuck with this gun-loving, bullying, arrogant mustache for 22 more days, but will constantly fighting him help matters?  If this is the mustache I've been given, then I should embrace it for the betterment of my face and well-being.  Maybe work together? " 

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 9, Election Day:

This is my second presidential election with a mustache and of course I get stuck with a republican one. Why me...? Needless to say it's been a long day... I first noticed my mustache was super conservative when I was in the voting booth. I had just checked Hillary's name when I heard my mustache giggle. It then began to taunt and judge me on almost every vote I made. When I finally snapped back at him, a voting official came over and asked what all the ruckus was. How do you explain to a voting official that your heart speaks democrat, but your mustache screams republican? Dejected, I just stormed out and went home... It seems my mo' and I are as divisive as our country. This saddens me... But as the contention and the night has gone on, I've realized something. So I'm now stuck with this gun-loving, bullying, arrogant mustache for 22 more days, but will constantly fighting with him help matters? If this is the mustache I've been given, then I should embrace it for the betterment of my face and well-being. Maybe work together? Maybe teach him a thing or two? When my mo' goes low, I gotta go high... Maybe not every mustache is perfect, but ultimately they just want to look good too. That day I get to shave it off will be here before I know it and maybe because of all this, I'll have learned something new about myself and be a better mustache wearer for next Movember... God Bless all mustaches and God Bless America.

Last Updated: November 10th, 2016

 

 "My mustache was quick to distance himself & throw me under the buss.  He chimed in, 'Yea, Caleb only has 6 people on his Movember team, 2 of which are his mom and wife!'  All of the other mustaches chuckled and started mocking me."  

 "My mustache was quick to distance himself & throw me under the buss.  He chimed in, 'Yea, Caleb only has 6 people on his Movember team, 2 of which are his mom and wife!'  All of the other mustaches chuckled and started mocking me."  

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 15, The Special "Why I do This" Edition:

I was in my Movember Men's Support Group last night. It's a safe place for some of us men to go who struggle with the daily toll of living with a mustache. It's here where we can relate to others with hairy upper lips and share our successes or failures with the Movember movement... Around the room they went, each man shared, and mostly boasted to various degrees about how well they were getting along with their mustaches and how much money they had raised for Movember. When it got me, the room fell silent... I then heard a few of the other mustaches snickering. The moderator said, "Is this data correct Caleb? You and your mustache have only raised $300 so far??" My mustache was quick to distance himself & throw me under the buss. He chimed in, "Yea, Caleb only has 6 people on his Movember team, 2 of which are his mom and wife!" All of the other men and their mustaches chuckled and started mocking me. I thought this was a safe place... I don't know why my numbers are so down this year. I relayed to the group, I thought my technique of sharing my darkest and most personal diary entries on instagram and facebook would be a good way to gain support and recruit members for my team. Word around town is people like to read my mustache diaries. Maybe I was wrong... Maybe it's not sinking in. Why aren't more people joining my team and giving to this amazing charity? Election fatigue? Apathy? Lack of more great Tom Selleck movies? How do I get them to appreciate that the state of men’s health is in crisis? Do they know men experience worse longer-term health than women, and die on average six years earlier. Prostate cancer rates will double in the next 15 years. Testicular cancer rates have already doubled in the last 50. Three quarters of suicides are men. Poor mental health leads to half a million men taking their own life every year. That’s one every minute. Our fathers, husbands, partners, brothers, sons and friends are facing this health crisis and it’s not being talked about! But I will. I won't give up. So far, my Movember charity struggles may be great, but I won't give up. My own mustache may mock my efforts but I'll continue to share my mustache diaries and try to get people to join my team: http://moteam.co/los-mo-chachos-1
and donate $10, $20, whatever they can, to help me and my mustache change the face of men's health...I will carry on... 

Last Updated: November 15th, 2016
 

 "This mustache always needs a red carpet, so when he found out the Latin Grammy AWards were in town, we had to be there.  These types of things make me very uncomfortable but not my mo.'"

 "This mustache always needs a red carpet, so when he found out the Latin Grammy AWards were in town, we had to be there.  These types of things make me very uncomfortable but not my mo.'"

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 18:

 In Las Vegas no one can hear you scream... What was I thinking taking a mustache in to Las Vegas? And on a business trip no less... This is exactly where my mustache feels most comfortable. He's in his element and I'm playing right into his trap - right where he wants me. The free-flowing booze, the gambling, the magicians... it's a mustache's haven out here. He's got home field advantage and I'm just a pawn in his game of booze and debauchery. There have already been noise complaints from the hotel and apparently my mustache is banned from two craps tables. I can take no responsibility for what happens here... I can only imagine what it does when I sleep... This mustache always needs a red carpet, so when he found out the Latin Grammy Awards were in town, we had to be there. These types of things make me very uncomfortable but not my mo.' Of course it immediately became the center of attention. Even Latin pop sensation, Manuel Medrano took notice and stepped aside so the paparazzi could get a good shot. I didn't even know my mustache spoke Spanish but apparently everyone here likes what it has to say... 

Last Updated: November 18th, 2016

"I thought it would be a great place for my mustache to get out and mingle with other mustaches.  I even thought dressing up as a glamorous, golden Viking would be a cool way to fit in.  Boy was I wrong."

"I thought it would be a great place for my mustache to get out and mingle with other mustaches.  I even thought dressing up as a glamorous, golden Viking would be a cool way to fit in.  Boy was I wrong."

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 21:

I had to drag my mustache, kicking and screaming, to do a charity race with me yesterday... It's called the Mustache Dache. It's an annual 5k/10k run to support the Movember charities. I thought it would be a great place for my mustache to get out and mingle with other mustaches. I even thought dressing up as a glamorous, golden, Viking would be a cool way to fit in. Boy was I wrong. My mustache couldn't have been more embarrassed. Like a parent holding its child's hand all the way to class on the first day of school, I thought I was bringing comfort and security, when he just wanted to be on his own. It seems like I can't do anything right to get along with my mo.' It wasn't until we rode a mechanical bull together, that he started to loosen up a bit. Well, that was mostly because he enjoyed it when I kept getting thrown off. He and a few of the other mustaches got a good laugh out of that. I am only $245 away from reaching my goal of $1000 raised. Please make my time served with this cantankerous 'stache worth it! Donate today to this amazing charity to support men's health! http://moteam.co/los-mo-chachos-1

Last Updated: November 22nd, 2016

"But the only crime I'm guilty of is thinking I could contain this hairy beast.  It's unbridled and belligerent...I barely remember the last few days, but I find strange receipts in my pockets for Chinese firecrackers and cigars."

"But the only crime I'm guilty of is thinking I could contain this hairy beast.  It's unbridled and belligerent...I barely remember the last few days, but I find strange receipts in my pockets for Chinese firecrackers and cigars."

The Mustache Diaries '16, Day 26, Alcatraz Island, San Francisco:

The dusk of Movember has set in... I've become more mustache than man now... unrecognizable to friends and family... The man they once knew is but a shell of his former self. I'm now a prisoner, locked in a cage of congested upper lip follicles. The irony that I felt like I needed to escape to an island prison is not lost on me here. The universe mocks me... The last ferry boat of the day is about to leave for the famed "City by the Bay" and my family can't understand why I must stay... But this is where I deserve to be... They refer to this place as The Rock, due to the harsh element from which the facility was built, which like my mustache, holds the fragile prisoners within. But the only crime I'm guilty of is thinking I could contain this hairy beast. It's unbridled and belligerent... I barely remember the last few days, but I find strange receipts in my pockets for Chinese firecrackers and cigars. Time ticks by... My family is very angry now. I'm making them late for a dinner reservation at a hot new restaurant. They think I'm playing a game as I just sit here in one of the abandoned cells... Tony Bennett may have left his heart in San Francisco but I may have left my sanity there... With just four days left to carry this hairy burden, I think, is it too late? Have I gone too far this time? Is there any turning back? The ferry boat horn sounds again. Two restless chubby park rangers grab me and drag me on the boat and they finally set sail. My mustache may have escaped Alcatraz but unfortunately I cannot escape him... 

Last Updated: November 27th, 2016

"I was so consumed with battling my mustache over the past 30 days, that finally, when it was all over, I feel like of piece of me is now missing. . ."

"I was so consumed with battling my mustache over the past 30 days, that finally, when it was all over, I feel like of piece of me is now missing. . ."

The Mustache Diaries, Day 30, Epilogue: 

The most horrible thing my mustache ever did to me was laugh while shaved him off. It's was like a cackle. That laugh still haunts me as I write this.... He knew it would. It was as his final send-off. He was always one step (or one lip) ahead of me. His laugh was telling me, maybe he'd lost the battle, but he has won the war..." Have I lost...? After we defeated the Nazis in World War II, a reporter asked an anonymous US Army General what he'd like to accomplish next. He stared in the distance for quite a while and said "This is all I know..." I was so consumed with battling my mustache over the past 30 days, that finally, when it was all over, I feel like a piece of me is now missing... And my mustache knew it. Now I must grapple with why I can't let him go. Why on earth would I still want to have a mustache on my face? But I think a small part of me does... I feel like I flushed a piece of myself down that drain last night. It's like a perverted form of Stockholm Syndrome... They say 21 grams is the measure of the mass lost by a human when the soul departs the body at death. I wouldn't be surprised at this point if that mustache weighed exactly 21 grams...

Last Updated: December 1st, 2016